The poetry of drugs and promiscuous sex.

Ruby Tuesday,
Costume Designer.
Lover of all things beautiful and melancholy.
Collector of teaspoons, trinkets, pill boxes, wind-mill related items.
Well meaning loon.

(Source: huffwell, via honeyfigs)

pleoros:

Rivers in the desert of Baja California, Mexico by Adriana Franco

(via honeyfigs)

I have never been so damn excited to get mail <3 <3 <3

Today’s the worst day I’ve had in a while. There’s nobody I can talk to about this. At least when I get to northside there will be people to talk to.. Even if they’re paid to be doing it. I feel like all I ever do is hurt people and disappoint them. I’m trying so hard to keep going and put on a happy face because it only makes people sad when I’m honest about how I’m doing, even my boyfriend.. I made him so sad this morning, and I cried which is so not fair on him. So I decided not to talk to him about it until I’m doing better.. I’m so scared. Some nights I feel so sick I’m sure I’m not going to wake up the next morning, which makes it impossible for me to sleep. But I can’t tell anyone that because it’ll just upset them. I feel like I’ve been trying to hide this from everyone for the past few years and now that I’ve let people in they’re disappearing just like everyone has every time I’ve relapsed. And it’s not their fault and I know that.. It just sucks.. And it makes me hate myself even more.

I called the inpatient clinic and they said it will be a couple of weeks. I’m so scared. On one hand it makes me want to exercise every second of the day and night and not eat anything. But then on the other hand I really wish I could keep something other than fruit and occasionally carrot sticks with a little avocado and some low fat cottage cheese or low calorie bread with nut spread, but even those are so challenging right now.

When I’m with my boyfriend I can manage so much more. It’s hell at times but I know that he’s there for me, that if I’m really struggling I can tell him and he’ll distract me and say beautiful things and even though it’s still there in my mind.. Having him there with me reminds me of what I really want, of why I’m trying to fight against it. I still find it really hard to talk to him about it at times, but I’ve never been this honest with anyone before, and it feels really good. Even when I purge, which is rare when we’re staying together and always when he’s not home, I tell him about it.. It’s the hardest thing in the world to admit. And it breaks my heart to see how sad it makes him, but he’s always glad that I told him. It’s really amazing to be able to trust someone with this who is so close to my heart.

I need to do this, for months now I’ve been unable to leave the house most of the time, I’ve been so depressed and relapsing harder and harder.. I’ve lost contact with countless friends and lost opportunities and I am too tired and consumed by my eating disorder and simultaneous warranted fear for my life.

I almost died after my last relapse. I came so close to never walking out of that hospital 3 1/2 years ago. And in that moment when they rushed my then boyfriend out of the room as teams of ICU doctors and nurses poured in and stuck needles and stickers and monitors over every inch of my seizing body, all I could think was, “Fuck! No! I don’t want to die.” I had spent the last 6 years convinced that I didn’t care if I died, a lot of that time wishing for it, working for it, pushing my body to such extremes.. It changed things. I can’t go back to that life. It means losing mine.

A few of my latest sketches. I’ll be selling prints of these and many other works at The Terrace bar markets this coming Saturday the 26th of July. Postcards $5 or 3 for $10) Posters $15 and I will have the prices available for canvas prints should anyone be interested.

My incredible best friend Erin Kelly will be selling some of her artworks and prints of her beautiful photographs, check out her work on her facebook page https://www.facebook.com/pages/Photoinduced/439849909416801

She’ll also be doing henna art and we’ll be selling some pre-loved clothes and some seriously drool-worthy treats <3 Chocolate covered strawberries, two kinds of rocky road, pastel glitter cupcakes, macaroons and coconut fortune cookies.

Get there around midday to make sure you don’t miss out! Though if you do, you could always stick around at The Terrace Bar for some old school tunes, delicious cocktails and their vast array of local and imported beers. Not to mention the roof top beer garden and undeniably mind-blowing venue and interior. If you haven’t paid this spot a visit yet, I highly suggest you pick up your game!

New wig &lt;3 &lt;3
factorisingtheinsane:

final days of the tunnel. silhoute polaroid picture

factorisingtheinsane:

final days of the tunnel.
silhoute polaroid picture

(Source: vans-medina, via sakurabonbon)

I wish I were a better friend, I always get sucked into my illness and let everyone down. And I guess I’m just lazy and selfish, I’ve heard that about myself enough to recognise that it’s true. These truths are hard to swallow, but maybe in the long run it’ll make me a better person. Right now I just want to implode.